Harder to Write Today

Frustrated is the word that keeps popping into my head.  One minute I'm looking at Willem and he's sound asleep and then I look over and he has his NJ tube out again.  Neither Erin or I saw him move. Erin asks me why I'm acting so mad and I can only reply that it is because I am mad.  I am angry and frustrated.

I stare disappointed into Willem's confused eyes, trying to convey my anger at him for pulling out his feeding tube.  Does he know why I am angry?  Does he know what he has done?  Why can he not understand that he needs that damn tube?!  My first-born son is wasting away before my eyes and I am powerless to stop it.

Willem whines and I become suffocated by my own guilt for being angry with him.

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Thank you John for your email to me.  Your words are kind and very touching and in them I found some strength.  Thank you.

Thank you Leigh for taking Wyatt and Liliana today.

Thank you Olga and RJ for the gas card.  Excellent idea as we use up a lot of gas driving back and forth.  Thank you very much.