Willem passed away one month ago yesterday -- it still seems like yesterday. I relive the sounds, the smells, and the visions over and over every single day. The events conspire to lie on my chest and hold me horizontal to the bed. I acquiesce.
It had been mentioned to me that I should post my words to the attendees during the ceremony -- for those that could not attend. One month later, I am able to do this. Here is what I said:
God give me strength.
Willem Grey Radosevich is my son.
I have been told that I am a great writer yet I have struggled to find the words to give this celebration all it deserves -- all that Willem deserves. I can only say this thus far:
I was supposed to be Willem's teacher; his guide; his mentor; his spiritual leader, and his hero. I was supposed to be all of these things. Instead, Willem became all of these things to me.
Willem is a warrior and he is my hero.
The Radosevich family has a tradition: My grandfather said it to my father before he went to Vietnam and my father said it to me before I was supposed to go to Afghanistan: We do not say 'goodbye;' we say 'see you later.'
See you later son. Mummy and daddy love you and we'll miss you so terribly much.
These were my words. These words came to me fifteen minutes before the ceremony and my hands trembled and I cried as I wrote them. It was difficult to see the words through my tears.
Willem's ceremony was the most beautiful ceremony I have ever had the privilege to witness. It began with Willem's scout troop conducting a flag ceremony. My brother spoke to the attendees and posited this question, and I am paraphrasing here:
...What can we do for Thomas and Erin?... Here's the answer: They've received an enormous outpouring of support recently and I want to challenge you to bottle your urge to give all of it today; bottle it up, and instead of pouring it out all at once, pour it out over time. Erin and Thomas will need you just as much in the weeks, months, and years ahead...
Syd, "Ba," Willem's grandpa, gave an amazing account of Willem's life and expressed how wonderful Willem was (is): he was inquisitive, intense, intelligent, loved life... Syd did an amazing job of summarizing the love Willem received from family and friends and the quality of life that Willem was able to give all of us during his too too short time on this planet. Willem did more living in his ten years than most are able to do in a lifetime.
It was a beautiful celebration of Willem's life. My favorite parts were the flag ceremony, the monument to Willem that had his Webelos hat and scarf (which made me cry intensely) next to a large photo of my smiling child, and the branch with all of the colored oregami that was made by the students of Meadow Brook Elementary.
I could not possibly capture the splendor of the event in words; one would really have to have been there.
Willem -- only days before he was stricken with HLH -- leisurely walking, straw in mouth, not a care in the world. A healthy 9 year old boy.
It was beautiful and therapeutic at the same time for all in attendance. Sadness was replaced by peaceful reassurance.
ReplyDeleteWell said Gkflare. Well said indeed. Thank you for your words.
ReplyDeleteI think everyone that spoke that day did an amazing job telling about the life of an amazing boy that I am glad we were able to know. I think you are blessed with a wonderful, strong family and I can see exactly where he got his courage and strength from, not many people would have been able to get up there like you did and say the things you did that day. As much as you were blessed to have him as your son, he was very blessed to have you and Erin as parents. You will continue to be in our thoughts and prayers.
ReplyDeleteThere are just no words at all. It was indescribable.
ReplyDelete<3
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ReplyDeleteTom, I just read your most resent blog entry. Suffice to say, it brought tears to my eyes. I saw your interview last week with channel 8 and was very moved by the candor of your words expressing what you believed your role to be in Willem's life. Reading your words today moved me to write and if I may, I would like to share with you my thoughts.
ReplyDeleteI firmly believe each individual human life has a soul. And that soul has a predetermined purpose here on earth. I believe that our souls are our life force, and that life force is not generated here. Where exactly? I do not know, but it is 'somewhere out there' (as the Disney inspired song says), somewhere our souls return when they are done here on this earthly plane. Somewhere we as a collective gather to recharge that energy and plan our next souls venture. It is in that planning I believe we designate our souls purpose. Some souls have more energy--are more advanced than others, they have 'made the trip' several times. Some would call them angels. And then there are the higher beings. Those are the souls who have advanced and accomplished all the 'lives' lessons they set out to achieve. These are the souls who offer their time here on earth to help others with their life lessons. They are the ones who suffer and endure horrendous earthy circumstances. They offer their earth time, give of their bodies life for those they promised to help, or teach, guide or direct.
Willem was that for you. I think your phrasing was perfect--your warrior and hero. He possessed special strengths, courage and abilities. Each life he entered, be it in person or through your writings, the duration of his life, or a brief chance encounter, left an everlasting positive imprint.
All my love to you, Erin, and the family.