Willem -- only days before he was stricken with HLH -- leisurely walking, straw in mouth, not a care in the world. A healthy 9 year old boy.

Monday, March 12, 2012

03/12/2012 1:05PM: Electrodes


EEG tech. putting electrodes on Willem's head now to monitor brain activity.  I do not equate this image with anything positive yet I do not feel despair.  And, at the same time, I do not feel hopeful.

I don't know what it is that I should be feeling right now... I don't know what it is that I am feeling -- I feel as though I need something but I don't know what it is that I need.

Many readers would find a correlation between my typing these words just as the hospital's chaplain walked in the room. I do not.

Erin says she feels tired.

I feel like either going to a bar and drinking myself into oblivion (not something I ever want to do - ever) or going to play racquetball.  And since I don't have a racquetball court...

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